ThomasLitchford

6 responses so far ↓

• 1 Navy Wife // Oct 25, 2008 at 4:56 pm

  Hi Thomas. I think I saw on your page awhile back that your wife was carrying Sean in a Moby Wrap sling? I bought one too, just wondering how old he was when you started using it? I put 3 week old Susanna in it the other day and it didn’t work so well for us. I’m not sure when babies master neck control.
  PS… I hope someone picks up the story on male spouses that you were writing about. I think it’s interesting.

  Carrie

• 2 tlitchfo // Oct 26, 2008 at 9:24 am

  Hi Carrie,

  Danielle started wearing the Moby pretty early. She used the ‘hug hold’: http://www.mobywrap.com/t-instructions-Hug.aspx. That seemed to hold his head up really well, but it depends on the weather–if it’s really hot outside, it’s not very comfortable.

  So how’s life with a 3-week-old? I remember that phase. The only way we could get Sean to sleep was when we were holding him. At night we resorted to the family bed. That lasted for about 3 months, and then we transitioned him to the crib.

  It’ll be interesting to see if anything comes of the military husband story. I know a guy who’s going to be interviewed on camera for the project, so it looks like it has a good chance of going forward.

  Best,
  Tom

• 3 monica // Oct 27, 2008 at 9:50 am

  you guys should check out the sleepy wrap - http://www.sleepywrap.com - you just spread the material over your baby’s head for a better support

• 4 tlitchfo // Nov 19, 2008 at 8:19 pm

  Note: This is an e-mail I received. I’m posting it here, slightly edited, along with my response, for reference purposes.

  Hi Thomas,

  My name is Dan. My wife recently joined the Navy and is currently going to A-School. She wants me to move with her somewhere when she graduates but of course does not know where that somewhere is yet.

  What is there really for a navy husband to do? Are there more navy husbands out there? Is there anyway I can finish my degree while living with her on base or off base?
  …
  I think it is the fear of the unknown that really makes me panic. Also with the Navy being majority men doesn’t exactly settle my stomach.

  I am so glad I found you’re blog and I will continue to read it today during my free time.

  Hope all is well.

  Thank you,
  Dan

• 5 tlitchfo // Nov 19, 2008 at 8:24 pm

  Hi Dan,

  Thanks for writing. I’m sorry if this is long, but you ask a lot of good questions.

  It sounds like you’re about where I was 7 years ago. I had graduated from college, where I’d met my wife (who still had a year to go), and then I enrolled in the seminary to study to become a pastor. After September 11th, Danielle and I, engaged at the time, decided to move up our wedding date because we didn’t know what would happen after her commissioning.

  For the first 6 months of married life, we lived in separate states. That made it really hard for me to focus on school, so I decided at the end of the first year to leave the program so I could live with Danielle.

  I didn’t know if I’d ever go back to the seminary (I haven’t, and I’m cool with that) or what I would do for a job. All I knew was it was better for our marriage was for us to be together.

  After Danielle went to SWOS (Surface Warfare Officer School) in Newport, she went to a ship out of Norfolk. Life on a ship is definitely different for women than for men, but that’s something for your wife to manage. She’s the one who has to set boundaries and deal with her male coworkers. My wife would remind her that there’s really no such thing as ‘just friends’ with guys.

  What you have to do is trust her. Trust is the most important part of any military marriage, but I think it’s even more important for guys like us because of the number of men our wives work with and the amount of time they will spend together.

  You also have to talk to her. If you’re uncomfortable with something, talk about it. Don’t let it fester. How long have you two been married? Did you know she was going to enlist before you got together?

  As for you and your degree/career, there’s good news. Most Navy bases are near universities and community colleges, so you should be able to finish your degree no problem. You might even be able to get tuition assistance.

  I’ve had a lot of jobs over the years, but now I work from home doing a little freelance writing. I decided to leave the 9-to-5 because we wanted to have a baby. Danielle’s career prospects are a lot better than mine, so I decided it made more sense for me to stay home than for her to get out of the Navy.

  Before becoming a writer, I did everything from slinging coffee to managing a non-profit to selling cars. Being a writer is my favorite job so far, but I had to put in my time at other jobs before I could make this work. A lot of military spouses like home-based businesses because they can take them with when they move, but you have to find the one that’s right for you. You’ve had a business before, so you might be in a good position to go that route. I’ve also had good luck getting jobs through temp agencies. Most start out temporary and become permanent.

  Basically, what you have to be ready for is a non-traditional life. A military marriage has to be a partnership. You, as a man, are going to have to learn how to do a lot of things men usually aren’t very good at. For example, almost every time my wife and I fought in the early days, it was about housework. Female spouses have to learn a lot of new things, too, like mowing the lawn, fixing a toilet, etc.

  It’s a strange life, but it’s exciting. There are more of us out here. Go to parties. Go to FRG (Family Readiness Group) meetings. You’ll bump into more Navy husbands eventually. And if not, there’s always the Internet.

  Shoot me an e-mail any time. I don’t always write 700-word replies

  Take care,
  Tom

• 6 Fear of the Unknown // Nov 19, 2008 at 9:03 pm

  [...] so I’m not going to reprint it here. If you’d like to read it, though, I posted it here on the Contact Tom [...]

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